The last few days have been a nightmare. It started with not being able to sleep and finally getting up at 2.30am. I’m sure this had an impact on the rest of the day. Nothing seemed to be going as it should. My brain was a fug of mixed up mush!
This morning, nothing is going right. It seems like everything is against me. My hands don’t work, my legs don’t work, I can’t see properly and my mind is just everywhere.
The final thing that did it, I took forever to get my leg brace on, only to realise I hadn’t put my protective stocking on underneath it! F**!!
The frustration is getting to me and this is when I loose it and I’m in danger of breaking something, including myself. I’ve come here to sit and stop. I can feel my whole body pulsating with built up energy, ready to explode. I tell anyone close, that if I am getting like this, don’t ask the question, ‘Are you ok?’ or ‘What’s the matter?’ This does nothing more than fan the flames inside. The best thing to do, is leave me alone, keep away, avoid me. It will subside, I just need to keep away from those triggers that will send me over the edge.
My brain feels like it is firing out of all control. Sitting here, and trying to focus on the one thing and only the one thing, is helping. It seems to slow and calm my over active brain. I’m feeling a bit better, but I know that underlying fire will smoulder for the rest of the day, so I have to be very careful and not do anything too much!
Do you ever get this, out of control, spiralling into madness feeling?
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