My brother told me once, ‘I just wished I wasn’t here!’ This I think was because he had just had an operation to remove a tumour.
I know I have thought this many times over the years, since first becoming ill in the late 90s. I’ve planned my death a few times, when really at a low point. I then had to promise my daughter I would not do anything and believe this is the only reason I’m still here.
No longer do I want to take that option. I believe that I’m here just this once and when I’m gone, I’m gone and there is nothing. So, I’m planning to stay here as long as I can, to enjoy life with my Carol and Barry, my fantastic daughter and son, but also to enjoy life to the best I can.
I see so many people that don’t seemingly have anything physically wrong… and moan about life. I also see and know others that are far more disabled than I am and make everything they can of life. It seems that they appreciate life while those others, just don’t care and waste it!
Life seems so fleeting and can be taken away in an instant, so we have to live life to the full while we can.
I’m not stopping because something inside is not functioning correctly and although this is something the medical profession cannot help with, I can do something about it and so it is up to me and me alone!