I know they don’t exist! But!


Not a good day for my phantoms. Not seeing more so much as hearing things. I’ve started to hear Finn, calling, a sort of little yelp. I know it’s him, but then I know it can’t be. Finn used to help me with this. If I saw, felt, smelt, heard, or sensed things, I would look at Finn and if he didn’t react, I knew I was ok, but now I don’t have my little helper.

I’m told that these are nothing that exist outside my own mind and I try to believe this. You know how when you dream, it is real, regardless of how strange, then that is what it is like for me, even when I’m awake. I take medication for this, but I don’t think it helps, it certainly doesn’t stop it.

Certain things happen often, so often that they have become normal. My Mum over my right shoulder, I don’t see her, but I sense and hear her there. My constant spies at the bottom of the garden, just behind the shed. The voices at the front door, the shadow behind the curtain in the bathroom, that is not there when I move the curtain and my morning call, ‘you got to get up, you got to get up…… I see things scurry past, gone before I see them, the spiders, or the legs just sticking out, moving, the clicks, bumps, things moving, scratching, the breaths, sighs, moans that continually haunt me.

I think this is more of a problem, because I don’t have Finn as my spirit guide. I have no way of knowing if what I see, hear, smell, feel, sense, is real, or not. I know the more it happens and the more I become aware, the more it seems to happen, but that’s no help!

I also know that this has got worse since I started reducing the Gabapentin, so I feel that this has something to do with it.

The horrible thing is, I can’t shut them off. I can’t cover my ears, keep my eyes closed, refuse to smell, or close my mind to feelings.

I’m getting stressed and jumpy, so if anyone has any suggestions or idea, I would be very grateful? Please!

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