I’m sure you have woke from a dream and thought how crazy it was? However, at that moment of dreaming, your dream is as real as now. Well, I live in a state which seems to battle between a dreamworld and the real. There is a difference. The sleeping dream seems to fade quickly over a very short time and before you know it, trying to grasp it seems impossible. For me, when I am here, in the so called real world, I’m fully aware of the dream state I have been in. I’m not sure it is a dream, I only call it this, because of how crazy they seem to me after.
I see, hear and feel things all the time. Many happen as if being played back as a loop from a film. For example, every morning I wake to a voice telling me, ‘Got to get up, got to get up, got to get up.’…. over and over, until I’m up’ This voice comes from a figure that I cannot clearly see, but always sits in the far corner. I thought for a long time that he woke me up, but now realise that he doesn’t wake me up, he is there when I wake up. So, whatever time, he is there. This is so normal now, that I would miss it if not there. However, I would prefer it not to be.
Finn, my dog was my confirmation of reality. When I heard, saw, or felt something, I would automatically look at Finn, who was always there and if he didn’t move, or make any gesture that something was happening, then I would know that it was in my head. If Finn heard a pin drop, or someone outside went past, he would react.
Now I don’t have Finn, I’m having more problems. Although I am very aware of these things happening and still automatically turn to him, something that hurts every-time, without Finn, I only really know of them when I back here in the real world. I seem to slip in and out of my dream state as if daydreaming. That state when you are doing something, but your mind is somewhere else.
I’ve been hearing noises in the other room. The best way to describe these are as if i could hear a telly or radio on. It was loud enough to hear, but not loud enough to understand what was being said. I realised this was not real when I went into the room where I thought the sound was and it moved into the other room. This sort of switched me to realise it was not real.
Now, the other night, I woke to hear the noise. I went in the living room and I could hear the sounds coming from the settee. I can remember trying to make sense of these and decided it was mice. The solution was simple I would remove the mice. I got a sharp knife and cut into the settee. I don’t remember anything after this until I came back in the room in the morning. The settee was in two parts and all of the seating part and back had been cut and removed. This came back to me in a flood of tears. I remembered it clearly, but I realised that although now, it seemed totally unbelievable what I had done, I knew I had. I’m wondering if I had sleep walked, but it is this clarity of it that is different to any normal dream.
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