Loneliness is something else!
I think deep down, underneath, we all fear loneliness, but I’m not sure we really know what this is.
For me, that moment came with my diagnosis. It wasn’t the diagnosis as such, but the rhetoric after; no cure, no treatment and seemingly no hope! Where I was waiting for hope, the light at the end of the long dark tunnel, answers to bring my life back, all I got was alienation from the World! With nowhere to turn and no one to turn too. From that moment on, I had effectively been turned away!
Being alone didn’t come anywhere near describing the utter feeling of loss that I felt.
I was in solitary, without company, without companionship! That isolation, that remoteness and seclusion that I felt then ended my life!
It’s the cursed fear of loneliness and the fear of having the rest of the time to think about it!
Each day the coming of daylight dispels my nighttime fears, but only increases my every moment of loneliness.
At the darkest of moments, I even talked of it being, ‘time for me to go!’
However, I’m not alone anymore. I have those that are close. They are far enough away to give them life, but near enough that I have a life too.
I can never say how much I owe to those that I hold close and mean so much. There are no words created yet!
What I realise now, and maybe the same for you? Is that those that are genuinely close, that refuse to give up on me and are my light, I can count on my one hand, but the sad part is, I still have a few fingers spare!
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